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Philip J Reed
24 January 2010 @ 08:59 pm
Download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/9t6w0e

Most of the songs we've forgotten, but a portion of that contrapuntal exchange survives, in pencil, on the back of Demo Karafilis's Tea for the Tillerman, where he jotted it. We provide it here:

the Lisbon girls: "Alone Again, Naturally," Gilbert O'Sullivan
us: "You've Got a Friend," James Taylor
the Lisbon girls: "Where Do the Children Play?" Cat Stevens
us: "Dear Prudence," The Beatles
the Lisbon girls: "Candle in the Wind," Elton John
us: "Wild Horses," The Rolling Stones
the Lisbon girls: "At Seventeen," Janice Ian
us: "Time in a Bottle," Jim Croce
the Lisbon girls: "So Far Away," Carole King

Actually we're not sure about the order. Demo Karafilis scribbled the titles haphazardly. The above order, however, does chart the basic progression of our musical conversation.

(The Virgin Suicides, Jeffrey Eugenides. pp. 190-191)
 
 
Philip J Reed
16 January 2010 @ 05:44 pm
Here is a mix I made for winter.  It was very cold on Florida, but nowhere near as cold as winters used to be for me.  I kind of miss the sweet misery of the blinding frost.  Here are 19 songs I put together to put myself in that frozen, distant mood I remember so well. 

Many different styles and approaches represented here.  I don't believe any of them set out to write a wintery song at all.  It just kind of happens.  A fateful arrangement in the weather patterns.  Nobody meant to shield the sun.  Many of these are instrumentals.  Winter is the best season for instrumentals.

Enjoy.

Download the Winter Mix:
http://www.sendspace.com/file/if4upt

1) What Are You Doing New Year's Eve? -- Rufus Wainwright
2) Speed of Sound -- Chris Bell
3) Main Title Theme (Billy) -- Bob Dylan
4) Fairest of the Seasons -- Nico
5) I'm Walking This Road Because You Stole My Car -- Fascinoma
6) In Spirals -- Trey Anastasio
7) Assassination of the Sun -- Flaming Lips
8) Everything Merges With the Night -- Brian Eno
9) It Never Entered My Mind -- Miles Davis
10) Saudade -- Love and Rockets
11) Exit Wound -- Mike Gordon
12) Wot's...Uh, the Deal -- Pink Floyd
13) Red Rabbits -- The Shins
14) Slave to the Traffic Light -- Phish
15) One of These Days -- Neil Young
16) The Kids Don't Stand a Chance -- Vampire Weekend
17) Hotel Chelsea Nights -- Ryan Adams
18) Memphis -- The Benevento Russo Duo
19) Come -- Lemon Jelly


What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?
The only holiday song on this playlist, but it's more a moody piece of self-delusional mopery than a paean to any specific calendar day.  The first time I heard this version of this song, I was in Starbucks, reading a few dozen pages of Thomas Pynchon's Against the Day.  This song happened to play over a distant, coldly moving sequence during which Reef Traverse retrieves his father's body from the pillars of Jeshimon.  A less-holiday-like sequence I can't possibly imagine, but the resonance behind the words was absolutely correct.

Speed of Sound
The world's chilliest vacuum exists between Chris Bell and the microphone as he sings this song.  Hear the chords echoing off of the icy walls?  It's quite easy to visualize the mists of his anguish.  And it's also a really great song.

Main Title Theme (Billy)
The Royal Tenenbaums reappropriated this song as a shuffling Christmassy instrumental simply by pasting it over a sequence of Royal's family abandoning him in much the way that he abandoned them however many years ago.  It's a perfect winter's day outside, with a respectfully sparse and clean snowfall, and as Royal is stabbed in the flank by his otherwise faithful manservent, one gets the feeling that somewhere, maybe just a block away, there are families wondering how the day could get any more perfect.  But even without the Tenenbaums connection, this song will always remind me of winter as I have a vivid memory of driving home from work years ago in a treacherous snow storm, as this looped endlessly on my CD player.  I had to keep spraying fluid onto my windshield to clear off the frost, and then spraying more to clear off the frozen fluid.  It was a very dangerous trip.  I made it through okay.  The cuffs on my pants were frozen when I got home.  I couldn't unroll them.  For me, this is a winter song.

Fairest of the Seasons
More Tenenbaums here.  If there's a better song to go with dead trees and undisturbed snowfall, I've yet to hear it.

I'm Walking This Road Because You Stole My Car
No wintertime memories to go along with this one, except the ones I invent while listening to it.  If I were still up north right now, snowed in, huddled up for warmth with a blanket, a book and a cup of hot tea, this is the song I'd be listening to over and over again.

In Spirals
Not Trey's prettiest acoustic song, or the best, but the most fitting for all those moments in life that happen to fall between two extremes.  (That is to say, nearly all of them.)  I remember feeling compelled to listen to this endlessly when I was in New Jersey last, for New Year's a few years back.  Every time I turned off my iPod, I kept hearing it.  I think I heard it in my sleep.  I think it's one of those songs that communicate their point so successfully that you don't even have to understand it.

Assassination of the Sun
One of my favorite Flaming Lips songs, from the post-Yoshimi period, when the band was sprinkling out songs like this (and hiding them on remix EPs) like they were nothing.  We really expected that if this was throwaway material from their latest sessions, the next album would be nothing short of perfect.  (It was everything short of perfect.)  The lyrics are slightly overt, but the atmosphere is solid.  Frozen solid.

Everything Merges With the Night
I never would have known it if you hadn't made me feel it, Brian.  Now I can't imagine it any other way.

It Never Entered My Mind
The colder the night, the truer this one rings.  If you don't close your eyes when this song begins and find yourself in a whole other world when you open them again, start it over.  Don't let the bus leave without you.  Not on a night like tonight.  You can't afford to be left alone much longer.  Daylight is, and has always been, so far away.

Saudade
The coldest fireworks ever recorded.

Exit Wound
This is the song that plays in your mind when you leave home the night after a blizzard without having dressed quite warmly enough, a guitar that you never learned to play slung low on your back and the promise to yourself that you will never walk these same streets again.  You don't look back.  At no point do you ever look back.

Wot's...Uh, the Deal
One of my favorite Pink Floyd songs.  It does not control the weather, but can cause one to hallucinate very specific patterns.  Has the ability to turn everything solid around you into mist.  If you reach out and touch it to find that it's still solid, that's only because you've been turned to mist as well.

Red Rabbits
There's not one bad thing I can say about the Wincing the Night Away album.  Except maybe that its title sucks.  Beyond that, it's a remarkable tapestry of conflicting directions that turn out, in the end, to have worked in glorious, anarchic tandem.  Red Rabbits is the children's song from hell.  It's at the end of side two of a tape you bought them years ago.  You never listened that far.  They did.  They didn't know what they heard, and they didn't like it, but they listened that far.  The confusion scared them.  It would have scared you, too.

Slave to the Traffic Light
What an icy, endless swirl this song represents.  I remember shoveling snow to it, watching my shovel catch the sun, seeing the snow fall in perfect synchrony with Page McConnell's twinkling mini-solo on the electric piano.  I remember leaving New Jersey to this song, as the stars revealed themselves in the sky, and the lights I was most familiar with disappeared beyond the horizon behind me forever.  I remember Milena Ryan's head on my shoulder as I drove her through Montreal, the roads quiet, the night cool and impersonal...one human moment in a world that felt too tired to have them anymore.  I remember sleeping outside after a hurricane.  I remember a campfire dying at the end of Phish's final (at the time...) show at Coventry.  I remember.  One thing about the cold:  it does an excellent job of preservation.

One of These Days
One of these day, I'm going to sit down and write a long letter to all the good friends I've known.  And I'm going to try to thank them all for the good times together, though so apart we've grown.  One of these days.  One of these days...

The Kids Don't Stand a Chance
A special shout-out in Afterbirth.  It's the only song that gets to go by its real name.  It's got the only name that said enough with me having to step in and explain.  I particularly enjoy the way this song cocoons itself.  It begins as a gradual layering, but by the time it winds to a close, the instruments are all pulling tighter...too tight for comfort.  It's the tightness of panic for security.  It retreats into itself.  It continues into eternity, but like a dead man in his car at the bottom of a snow-filled ravine, it's an eternity it shares with no-one else.

Hotel Chelsea Nights
Brr.

Memphis
If you ever wanted to make a movie about whatever it was that cowboys did around Christmastime, this would need to be on your soundtrack.  I wouldn't recommend making that movie, though.  All that dirt makes the snow ugly.  It just sits there.  Nobody plays in it.  It becomes a nuisance.  A reminder of the cleaner, happier winter that everybody but you has gotten to have.  This song is a dirty spur cutting a low rut through somebody else's bad weather.

Come
They say there's warmth in repetition.  Or, at least, they should say that.
 
 
Philip J Reed

I can't even talk about this right now without bursting into a ray of pure happygasm so I'll just reproduce the press release.  All I can say is that, for some absolutely pointless, boneheaded reason...I'm more excited about the VEHICLES than I'd ever have thought before.

http://bifbangpow.blogspot.com/2010/01/another-new-venture-for-bif-bang-pow.html

LOS ANGELES, CA (January 7, 2010) – Bif Bang Pow! and Cartoon Network Enterprises, the licensing and merchandising arm of Adult Swim, blast off for action with today’s partnership announcement that will bring to market a brand-new line of toys based on the popular animated series The Venture Bros. One of the most highly sought after product lines from Adult Swim’s library, The Venture Bros. collection from Big Bang Pow! will feature an array of articulated action figures, bobble heads, and vehicles, each embodying that distinctive action-comedy mix that has become synonymous with the series.

First to be released from the line is a series of 7-inch scale resin bobble heads targeted for spring 2010. Action figures are scheduled to hit the market in the summer of 2010. These fully-articulated figures will include the series most popular and recognizable characters including Dr. Venture, The Monarch, Brock Samson, Hank & Dean Venture and more. Several exclusives are also in the works. More detailed information about the products will be made available in the coming weeks.

"We've been courting The Venture Brothers for quite some time now, and we're beyond excited to finally bring fans what they want: a range of fully articulated action figures and bobble heads," said Jason Lenzi, CEO of Bif Bang Pow! "With the ever-expanding cast of characters in the Venture universe, the possibilities are endless. And, as always with Bif Bang Pow!, expect the unexpected!"

“A toy line based on The Venture Bros. has been a long time coming but we now have the ideal partner on board to bring these characters to life," said Christina Miller, senior vice president, CNE. "With their distinct style and love for the series, the team at Bif Bang Pow! has created an impressive line that will excite our fans and meet their discerning tastes."

The Venture Bros. creator Jackson Publick, who has been working closely with Bif Bang Pow! on the planning and creation of the toy line, adds, "Finally. It's about time someone made some action figures based on the show. This is going to be great!"
 
 
Philip J Reed
01 January 2010 @ 07:55 pm






 
 
Philip J Reed
31 December 2009 @ 04:35 pm
1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Had a staff of my own. Admittedly it’s a bit tough to get out of the habit of taking orders rather than giving them, and so I tend to be a lot more hands-on than most of the other managers and supervisors at places that I’ve worked, but I don’t think that’s such a bad approach, really.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
For the first time ever, I did indeed keep my resolution, which was to finish Afterbirth, finally, after 5 years of fits and fiddlings. This year’s resolution: get an agent to represent it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Somebody who was once very close to me, and then wasn’t, and now is again in an entirely different way, did indeed give birth. I’m very happy for her. I always did believe she’d make a fantastic mother, and now she gets to go and prove me right.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I found out that a previous coworker of mine was diagnosed with and succumbed to cancer very rapidly. I wasn’t around when it happened, and only learned of it much later, so I guess I can’t say that she and I were “close.” But I’ll put it this way: close enough that I felt genuinely awful about not having been there.

5. What countries did you visit?
Just the one.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
An agent. Otherwise, I can’t say that there’s much about my life I’d like to change right now.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
December 7. A day that will live in infamy.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finishing Afterbirth, getting a great promotion, moving into a nice big place of my own with two bedrooms and an office, and coming to grips with the fact that for the past few years at least, my successes have indeed been my own, and therefore there is nothing wrong with being proud of them. Also, my Save-State Gamer series on youtube seems to be gathering some very interesting steam.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not managing to feel for somebody (and somebody else) what somebody (and somebody else) managed to feel for me. Also, I did not manage to catch a purse-snatcher who stole a good friend’s bag right in front of us in Tampa on Halloween. I gave it a good try, but at the precise moment that I could have made the catch, I fumbled...did the wrong thing...he got away. If there’s a positive aspect to this at all, it’s that I have a stronger, more personal interpretation of a certain passage (or two) in Thomas Pynchon’s Vineland.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Arm in a sling (and hand in pain) for two weeks or so.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Xbox I guess? Nah...it’s the 2-disc 50th anniversary edition of North by Northwest, bitches.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I don’t know what this means.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
I don’t know what this means.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Moving. Furniture. Rent. And way too many video games.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
New Pynchon novel! New Wes Anderson movie! One of which was really good!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
No clue. I’ve been listening to The Question a lot, by Moody Blues. Maybe that. Who cares. Or maybe Joy off the new Phish album. Just because it’s off the new Phish album and when I hear it I keep seeing slideshows of people who were important to me. So that one. Joy off the new Phish album. Who cares.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier
ii. thinner or fatter? Probably the same, possibly a little fatter
iii. richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Reading. Somehow I’ve really fallen off the new-to-me book wagon, sticking instead to old books I’ve read a dozen times before. No idea why.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
I’ve been pretty productive this year. Maybe less internet surfing, and more time drinking beer in a hammock or something.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
It’s...a year away. So...no idea.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
In a way.

22. How many one-night stands?
The night is young!

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Arrested Development became my all-time favorite TV show. As far as things that actually aired for the first time in 2009? No idea. Late though it was, the Rapture episode of American Dad was probably the greatest thing to air all year though.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Actually I like a few people now that I disliked at this time last year. Growing up!

25. What was the best book you read?
The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen. Go buy it. GO BUY IT.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Didn’t discover any new artists that blew me away, really. 

27. What did you want and get?
A better job, a nicer place to live, dearer friends.

28. What did you want and not get?
A supermodel who poops money.

29. What was your favourite film of this year?
I loved Funny People, but I’m pretty depressed that I could call it the best of the year. What a dismal year for film.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I can’t remember. I’m sure it was fun. I was 28.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A supermodel who poops money.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
I started dressing a little nicer...caring about whether or not I look like a colorblind hobo. It feels good, actually.

33. What kept you sane?
Moving back to an area populated by great friends.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
None, really. I don’t think I’ve had a celebrity crush since the pink Power Ranger.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
OBAMA MANDATORY DEATH CAMPS FROM HELL

36. Who did you miss?
Rebecca.  Every fucking year Rebecca.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
I’ve met a lot of great new folks, but I’ve rediscovered even more old ones. No playing favorites.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009
We are each the architect of our own misfortune.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year
Ooh, child. Things are gonna get easier. Right now.

40. Did you enjoy this year?
Without any reservation, I can say that the lows were higher than ever. 2009 was probably one of the best years I’ve ever had.


 
 
 
Philip J Reed
23 December 2009 @ 08:15 pm












 
 
Philip J Reed
20 December 2009 @ 02:46 pm
Hey folks.  Here's a little Christmas present for you all that you can load up into your iTunes for background holiday listening. It's Bob Dylan's Theme-Time Radio Hour Christmas / New Year's Special, in two parts.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/fp74w0
http://www.sendspace.com/file/wqb8rl
 
For those of you who don't know, Bob Dylan has a radio program on Sirius Radio (I think...).  I've never heard it before this, but I found this online, and it's excellent listening.  Normally he selects some vague theme that he can play around with when he chooses his playlist and makes his introductions.  Typically the songs are old blues or jazz tunes that you really wouldn't ever hear elsewhere, and as such just about every playlist of his that I've seen includes a wealth of stuff to which I've had no exposure.

And if this is anything to go by, they all deserve to be heard.  It's amazing how timeless most of this stuff is... Anyway, I hope you enjoy.  I have no idea if this is this year's special, or last year's or any other year's.  I found no information about it, and just happened to stumble upon it while looking for something else.  A Christmas miracle.
 

 
 
 
Philip J Reed
20 December 2009 @ 11:27 am


Just something I threw together quickly without much thought or any hangover recovery. Sorry I haven't posted much lately. Moving has been an ordeal...to say the least.

Merry Christmas...I have something I intend to post for you guys later today or tomorrow, so cross your fingers that I actually get around to it.
 
 
Philip J Reed
30 November 2009 @ 02:09 pm
Hey folks. This is my second attempt at compiling a comprehensive playlist of all songs directly mentioned in a Thomas Pynchon novel, but unlike my experience with Vineland (which DOES have a pretty phenomenal playlist so far) I've actually managed to finish this one.

Below is every song mentioned by name (or quoted by lyric) in Thomas Pynchon's Inherent Vice. It was a lot of work on my part (and on the part of a helpful friend or two), but it's worth it. Many of these are songs I never would have listened to otherwise, and all of them do an excellent job of setting their respective scenes. Nobody uses songs to perfect effect quite as well as Thomas Pynchon (excepting, of course, Wes Anderson...and, for a short period of time in his career, Martin Scorcese).

Many thanks go to the (sadly incomplete and periodically inaccurate) song list at Pynchon Wiki. It missed out some very obvious ones but...what can you do. I filled in the gaps that I noticed, and this was still a helpful resource.
http://inherent-vice.pynchonwiki.com/wiki/index.php?title=Songs_mentioned_in_Inherent_Vice

Also, Pynchon himself has compiled a playlist (well, more of a shopping list...) at amazon.com.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?ie=UTF8&docId=1000413861

It's far from complete, though, and it contains a few of the fictional songs he created for the book, so I think this would be more of his personal mixed CD than anything else. Oddly enough, he lists "Telstar" by The Tornados, even though it's not mentioned anywhere in the book (and since it's an instrumental, I'm sure nobody quoted it either). My guess is that he just really likes the song and thinks it'd fit just fine playing in the background of one of many bar scenes. I'm cool with that; the song is a pretty awesome rocker, and I stuck it at the end of my playlist. Do with it as you please.

Anyway, enough of that. Enjoy the complete songtrack. Maybe eventually I'll get the Vineland one done, too. (The Crying of Lot 49 is another possibility, but I have a feeling it'd be very short...more of an EP.)

Download the Inherent Vice soundtrack:
http://www.sendspace.com/file/4tlu03

1) Can't Buy Me Love -- The Beatles
2) Sugar Sugar -- The Archies
3) Runaround Sue -- Dion & The Belmonts
4) The Big Valley theme -- TV Theme
5) The Great Pretender -- The Platters
6) "Bang Bang" (My Baby Shot Me Down) -- Bonzo Dog Band
7) Oh Pretty Woman -- Roy Orbison
8) Wouldn't It Be Nice -- The Beach Boys
9) Fly Me to the Moon -- Frank Sinatra
10) The Crystal Ship -- The Doors
11) Blueberry Hill -- Fats Domino
12) Little GTO -- Ronny and the Daytonas
13) People Are Strange -- The Doors
14) Gilligan's Island theme -- TV Theme
15) Basketball Jones -- Cheech & Chong
16) Wipeout -- The Surfaris
17) The Other Side -- Tiny Tim
18) Pipeline -- The Chantays
19) Surfin' Bird -- The Trashmen
20) Bam-Boo -- Johnny and the Hurricanes
21) Tequila -- The Champs
22) Leaning on a Lamp Post -- George Formby
23) Leaning on a Lamp Post -- Herman's Hermits
24) Donna Lee -- Miles Davis
25) Here Come the Hodads -- The Marketts
26) Eight Miles High -- The Byrds
27) Runaway -- Del Shannon
28) Happy Trails to You -- Roy Rogers
29) White Rabbit -- Jefferson Airplane
30) This Guy's in Love With You -- Herb Alpert
31) Desafinado -- Charlie Byrd and Stan Getz
32) It Never Entered My Mind -- Miles Davis
33) Alone Together -- Chet Baker
34) Samba do Avaio -- Antonio Carlos Jobim
35) Crimson and Clover -- Tommy James and the Shondells
36) Quentin's Theme (Dark Shadows theme) -- TV Theme
37) Something Happened to Me Yesterday -- The Rolling Stones
38) Grande Valse Brillante -- Frederic Chopin
39) There's No Business Like Show Business -- Ethel Merman
40) One Fine Day -- The Chiffons
41) Wabash Cannonball -- Boxcar Willie
42) Wunderbar -- Jo Stafford and Gordon Macrae
43) Haunted Heart -- Sammy Kershaw
44) Viva Las Vegas -- Elvis Presley
45) El Paso -- Marty Robbins
46) The Flintstones theme -- TV theme
47) (You're Not Sick) You're Just in Love -- Ethel Merman
48) Tiptoe Through the Tulips -- Tiny Tim
49) Everything's Coming Up Roses -- Ethel Merman
50) All Shook Up -- Elvis Presley
51) That's Amore -- Dean Martin
52) Interstellar Overdrive -- Pink Floyd
53) Tears on My Pillow -- Little Anthony & The Imperials
54) When Somebody Cares For You -- The Mike Curb Congregation
55) Que Sera Sera -- Doris Day
56) Elusive Butterfly of Love -- Bob Lind
57) Yummy Yummy Yummy -- Ohio Express
58) Hawaii Five-0 theme -- TV Theme
59) Something in the Air -- Thunderclap Newman
60) We Should Be Together -- Shirley Temple and George Murphy
61) Help Me, Rhonda -- The Beach Boys
62) Volare -- Domenico Modugno
63) Java Jive -- The Ink Spots
64) Super Market -- Fapardokly
65) A Stranger in Love -- The Spaniels
66) God Only Knows -- The Beach Boys
67) Telstar -- The Tornados

http://www.sendspace.com/file/4tlu03
 
 
Philip J Reed
"I just was having a moment and wanted to tell you (again!) how proud I am of you. And I'm proud of us too! This morning I got a horrible email from someone and it referenced you in a way that was intended to hurt me, but of course it didn't because a) you and I aren't those people anymore and b) it's been 6 years. I've gotten over it, you've gotten over it...others should too. But it did make me stick up for you in a way that I haven't before and I just realized that I'm very very happy that we're aren't the same people that we were six years ago and that we've developed a real friendship against the odds and against all my expectations."
 
 
Philip J Reed
22 November 2009 @ 06:59 pm
Aerothorn: speaking of naked
Chicken Brutus: I'm listening
Aerothorn: so her first year of college she made a CafePress t-shirt with a naked photo of herself, just for her to order/have for laughs
Aerothorn: then a month later, she gets a $75 check from Cafepress for sales of the t-shirt
Aerothorn: she accidentally made it publically available for order
Chicken Brutus: that's...pretty hilarious actually
Aerothorn: then someone on her hall finds out about this
Aerothorn: and they all buy copies
Aerothorn: (she is the only girl on this hall)
Chicken Brutus: was it explicit? not that I want one, I'm just curious. it'll make a good detail for a character some day
Aerothorn: only in the nudity sense
Chicken Brutus: like, tastefully nude I assume...and hope
Chicken Brutus: ah, gotcha
Aerothorn: I admit I've never seen it
Chicken Brutus: right. just checking.
Aerothorn: and do not want to
Aerothorn: hey, you know what
Chicken Brutus: it's still pretty funny. definite character detail. you can tell her that at some point she'll be immortalized. you know...moreso than she is already.


 
 
 
Philip J Reed
I will be posting this elsewhere as well, maybe in a somewhat refined format, maybe not. But I might as well toss this up for now. Somebody uploaded a walkthrough in five parts, and though it obviously misses out on a lot of the description-window jokes, it hits enough of them that I thought I'd write this up for anyone who might be at all interested.

0:02

The voice: Though it's practically identical to the Monty Python "Gumby" voice (any dis-similarity is down to my utter lack of skill as a voice actor), the voice is actually an in-joke with some friends of mine. It's based on a boy we went to school with, who actually sounded very little like that, but such is the nature of schoolyard harassment. I don't mean to make it sound as though our impersonations of him were relentlessly cruel; it was light-hearted and I never heard him complain or get too upset. It's just that, at some point, we decided that every single sentence in the world would be funnier if spoken in that voice. If you disagree--and you probably do--then you should thank your lucky stars that you didn't know me in person 10 years ago. The misreading of the title cards is a separate, unrelated joke, and one that I quite like.

The icons: The graphical cursors are enormous, unwieldy, and ugly. You wouldn't know it to look at them, but I modeled them on the cursors from Space Quest 6, which I thought were an absolutely perfect design for what they were supposed to do. Somehow I ended up with something almost entirely different; as though I intended to single-handedly duplicate the recipe for Coca-Cola, but didn't get any further than making sure the can was red.

The score: A Hitch-hiker's Guide reference, though I doubt anyone out there didn't know that already. There are a few too many 42s sprinkled throughout this game and its sequel. I apologize belatedly for the reliance on this non-joke. I'm sure the me of 2000 has a good reason for thinking it was so funny, but the me of 2010 certainly doesn't. Also, you will exceed the maximum score by the end of the game. This is a little funnier. A little.

References: "Bladerun Like Hell" is a reference to Bladerunner, of course, a film with which the game's plot shares a similarity. If I had gone with my original plot idea (read on) the parallels would have likely been much stronger. It's also a reference to Run Like Hell, a song by Pink Floyd off of their album The Wall. It's the first of a few Pink Floyd references, which is somewhat surprising to me now as I didn't become a genuine fan of theirs until a few years later. (At this point I was mainly into Bob Dylan and The Who.) The alternate title is a reference to Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, which is the Philip K. Dick novel that inspired Bladerunner, and is thus one of the few jokes in this game that doesn't feel shoe-horned in beyond any respect for natural enjoyment or cohesiveness. Enjoy it while you can!

0:16
The music: Sultans of Swing, by the Dire Straits. Not a huge Straits fan, but they've got some excellent stuff. My process for scoring this game consisted of visiting this enormous archive of MIDI classic-rock songs. Sometimes I'd think a song would be perfect for a certain scene, so I'd download the MIDI and realize how much different it sounded than what I heard on the radio. (Go figure!) Eventually I just downloaded masses of songs that I knew by name, and listened to them all separately from how they were "supposed" to sound. This means that my selections were made based upon the quality of the MIDI's sound, rather than upon any particular fondness I might have had for the actual song. I wish I could remember what some of my original song choices were, but that information is long forgotten.

The scene: I drew this? It's hideous. The color scheme isn't bad. The walls, floor and door are, at least, not offensive to the eye (in terms of hue, that is), but everything about this is wrong. I'm not a much better artist now than I was then, but Jesus goodness, how was I able to face myself in the mirror after drawing this mess? Some elements of the scene have black borders, most have none. The doorknob is the size of Semprini's head and if you held one end of that telephone to your ear, the other end would bash you in the penis. The desk is gigantic, and Commissioner Fishbian is, for some reason, dangling his arms over the side rather than resting them on the top, which I'm sure is what I was going for. This is horrible stuff.

The cut scene: Also, what you're witnessing is an introductory cut scene, which, as you can tell by the floating wrist-watch, is unskippable. I'm pretty sure that the only way to NOT watch this cut scene is to load a saved game from the "Bladerun Like Hell" title card. Nowhere are you told this in the game. It's poor design, but, I can say honestly, it was at least intentional. I enabled the action cursor on the title card for just such a reason. I can't remember why I DIDN'T enable it here, but I think it had something to do with the music or the dialogue going screwy if someone accessed the toolbar during this long conversation. There were better ways of handling this; I used none of them.

Professor Semprini: Semprini is a reference to an episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus, in which the word "semprini" is said to be very naughty indeed, though we never find out what it's meant to mean. I wish the joke were any deeper than that, but considering some of the other crap I expected you to laugh at back then, maybe it's good that it's not.

Commissioner Fishbian: The name Fishbian comes from my final year of high school, when I was a co-anchor for the school-based local news. We'd put together a show every week, and it'd air relentlessly through the next week on the local information network. It was a great deal of fun, and some of my best memories come from that class. Anyway, a new student arrived in the class at some point during the school year, when all of the positions were filled. We invented a new position just for him: he'd read out the birthdays for that coming week. One week he had to read out the name "Mr. Fishbein," which was pronounced "Fish Bine." But whenever he got to the name, he'd read it as fish-be-in. It was one of those moments where one person's laughter causes everyone else to start laughing, and each time we did another take (I'm sure we did a dozen), it took longer for us to stop laughing. There was something tremendously funny about the idea of a Fishbian. Ultimately, we just didn't air birthdays for that week. Such is the curse of having a name that makes it sound like you sleep with fish.

0:27
The caption: Whoever made this video inserted the following caption: "The art might look a bit raw to put it gently, but the creator is a writer, not a cartoonist." I think him for this (accurate) acknowledgment of the reason for the art's limitations. Unfortunately, this leaves me with no defense at all for the poor quality of the writing.

0:37
"...": It still bothers me to this day that the characters use their speaking-animations whenever they say "..." All I wanted to do was get them to pause for a beat for the purposes of comic timing, and I couldn't figure out how to do that. So instead I have them say "...", which would be kind of like instructing the actors in your stage production to say, "I'm pausing for thought" instead of just pausing for thought. I hate it. It probably has something to do with the fact that I programmed the entire game with the graphical editor instead of using any actual coding, but...it's just an excuse either way.

0:45
The Lovely Rita 4200 Parking Enforcement Cyborg: Another 42, another lazy song reference in place of a joke (Beatles this time), and the revelation that I didn't actually know what a "cyborg" was. Oh well. At least I got the "Parking Enforcement" thing right.

1:34
Mr. Barkwoof: I'm surprised I never ended up showing Mr. Barkwoof as a character. In fact, I wasn't even planning it for LVIII, in which the K-9 patrol was going to play a substantial role. I guess I just forgot about him. The "Mr. Barkwoof" name is a pretty standard "funny dog name" joke, so it works simply because I can't be blamed for it, but it's also based on Mr. Barky, who was an actual K-9 patrol-pooch in my hometown. He almost attacked a friend of mine when the cops arrived after he crashed into a tree. I guess Mr. Barky had already claimed that tree as his own.

1:40
"You might as well send a pudding.": I didn't know what a pudding was, either. One of a few Britishisms that made their way into this game. I sometimes wonder if I had any capacity for language whatsoever, or if I just strung together pieces of other people's sentences and hoped for the best.

1:47
Sideburns: For whatever reason, sideburns get a big reaction out of people. No idea why. I had them at the time I made this game (and for a year or two before), and people would always, without fail, comment on them. Sometimes to make fun of them...sometimes to stare in vague mystification. Once I had a Wal-Mart employee tail me for a few minutes. When I turned around to see her, she asked me, "How did you GROW those?" I shrugged and told her I just didn't shave there. I don't know why sideburns seem so alien to people, but being as Larry's sideburns are remembered so particularly by those who played this game, I think it's something universal. They're funny, but damned if I know why.

1:55

"A talking monkey?": I've never seen Any Which Way But Loose, but for some reason I assumed Clyde could talk.

2:02
"A dead guy who gooses people?": I've never seen Weekend At Bernie's, but for some reason I assumed Bernie would goose people.

2:07

"Webster?": A pre-Family Guy reliance on the recognition of somebody else's creation in order the generate a chuckle of familiarity. I really liked jokes at that point in my life; I just wish I actually wrote a few.

2:09
"Lounge-lizard type": I had no idea what a "lounge lizard" was. Are you noticing a pattern here?

2:18
The music: "Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman Turner Overdrive

The badge: Our third 42, and the game hasn't even started.

Pitchfork Productions: A production "company" I shared with two friends, Joe O'Sullivan and Justin Leary. Whatever we produced at that time (usually individually) bore the Pitchfork Productions stamp. At some point we really did want to build Pitchfork into something meaningful, a company along the lines of Apple Corp. that would have helped other young artists get off the ground. Of course, you can't help people off the ground if you yourself haven't left the ground, so it went nowhere.

Philip J Reed, VSc: Blame Harry S Truman for the missing period after my middle initial, and Red Dwarf for the VSc distinction. (For the record, it stands for Video Scholarship, which I earned at the end of the school year for co-hosting the local news. I think it was a check for $25.)

Larry Vales: Nothing particularly funny about the name, and I have no idea how or why it occurred to me. It's a GOOD name, of course, unlike most of the others in this game. It's believable, but slightly off. I probably should have changed it to Harry or something, as there was already a very popular Larry series in adventure gaming, but I was stubborn that way. Larry Vales was actually first used as a minor character in a novel I was writing when I was around 15, as a traffic patrolman, but he wasn't created specifically for that novel...

Traffic Division: I had an idea many, many years ago for a game called Larry Vales: Traffic Division. It was to be an adventure game, just like this, and it was to feature Larry traveling to various locations all over the country to track down and deactivate these berserk police robots. Each area would function independently, with its own puzzles and things to do, allowing the player to finish the game in whatever sequence he or she preferred. One of the locations was to be an enormous tourist trap called South of the Interstate, which is a much funnier name and concept than The Jolly Parasite Motor Estates turned out to be. It was going to be the same type of game, only much, much better. When I ended up making Larry Vales: Traffic Division, I didn't even bother to attempt the multiple locations. This is for the best; there's no way I ever would have finished such a massive game, especially my first time designing one. I gave Larry a single location, and did my best to craft a round, rich experience from there, based mainly upon the single-location elasticity of Leisure Suit Larry 6 or Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist. (The latter of which is still my all-time favorite adventure game, and the ideal model, I feel, for anybody looking to design on.)

2:35
The Jolly Parasite: Probably the result me trying to think of a funny name, failing, deciding I'd figure one out later, and never getting around to it. I'm not even sure what's MEANT to be funny about it. I did want to give the little green bug a tophat, and have him take it off and put it back on again repeatedly, and I don't remember why I didn't do it. All of my animation was actually done by assigning several backgrounds to a single screen, and cycling through them. I was just that good. The idea for staging all of the action around a hotel probably came from LSL 6, which I mentioned above. Great game, and the hotel setting really proved that you can accomplish more with a character in isolation than one who is given free reign over the entire planet. (Compare LSL 6 to LSL 2 for evidence of that.) I don't think I INTENTIONALLY thought I'd use a hotel because that's what the other Larry used, but I'm willing to believe it was indirectly responsible for my decision. Again, Freddy Pharkas was my main inspiration, so I'm going to chalk up the hotel setting as a semi-coincidence.

2:54
I'm surprised this player even visited this screen, but I'm glad he did, as it's worth talking about. I had big plans for the "mystery" element here. The idea was that you'd be able to see everybody's vehicles at the beginning of the game (all in violation of parking laws in some way or another), and, as you progressed in the game, the Lovely Rita would kill off those characters. You'd always be one step (at least) behind the murderer, so the farther you got in the game, the fewer folks would be left to interact with. I think I DID actually do this somewhere, with the lifeguard I think (I'll have to check again when we get there), but the plans to create a tense, cohesive thriller built around parking enforcement just didn't pan out. Also, you were going to be able to search the cars for useful items. This was basically an important screen in my head. Then I made the game, and it was actually totally unnecessary. I do feel the game is poorer for my not having included the gradual murders, though...and the existence of this screen is just a reminder of what probably should have been.

2:56
The walk: Man, check out that walking animation on Larry. Good stuff, huh? He glides along as though on ice, bolt-stiff like he's paralyzed from the waist up. This is horrible stuff. It's the one thing all of the reviews focused on at the time, and I can't blame them. Even the best reviews (and, shockingly, this game got more than its fair share of them) had to point out how awful the walk cycle was. Maybe I got lucky, in that way...the awfulness of the walking animation distracted them from the weakness of the writing.

2:59

So Charlie Striker (your partner) must have entered the hotel without you. Don't know why I didn't show that as a cut scene, or make any direct, unavoidable reference to it. As it stands, you don't even SEE your partner until halfway through the game, even though he's "meant" to be there all along. Very poor design choice, and not really excusable at all. Also: Charlie's surnamesake is Ted Striker, from the movie Airplane! They have nothing in common; it's just a great movie, and was one of my favorites growing up.

3:03

Music: Give Me Some Loving, by the Spencer Davis Group. This is one of those songs that fools me into thinking I'm having a good day whenever it comes on the radio. Also, the MIDI soundtrack was somewhat appropriate for the feel of this hotel. I remember, as a child, staying in a hotel in Florida with my parents. I took a walk alone to the gym, or the pool or something, and, in the elevator, something clicked, and I realized that the crappy muzak I had been hearing the whole time we were there was actually crappy muzak versions of popular songs, rather than non-descript session-musician noodling. Specifically, the song that clicked with me was So. Central Rain, by REM. Hearing the flute-and-castanet version of that in the elevator stuck with me, for some reason. Just this bizarre sort of artless approximation of a great song. (Is there really any reason hotel elevators can't play the ACTUAL songs?)

3:13
Dodge Vipon: Oh wow. Vipon was the subject of a comedy routine I remember Norm MacDonald doing...it was about a child he went to school with who was developmentally disabled. If I shared anything else I remembered about this routine with you, you'd think I was a genuinely horrible human being for remembering it so fondly. So I won't. But that's where it comes from. An absolutely tasteless--but thoroughly enjoyed by myself from a much crueler point in history--monologue by Norm MacDonald.

3:23

Mercedes, Bend: A sex joke, of course. I can't remember if it's actually mine. I get the feeling it's something I read somewhere...the punchline of some other joke that's been told a thousand times...but Google isn't helping me, so I have no evidence. It's possibly my joke. I'm not going to fight anybody else who'd prefer the credit, however.

3:58
Sandy: There was a reason I named the receptionist Sandy. I just wish I could remember what it was. Somehow I think I'll realize it was some lame-ass pun whenever her last name is revealed.

4:03
Message board: Quartet of Skokie really does make corkboards, as you probably know, but this was meant as a reference to The Usual Suspects.

4:07
Shitzu: ha ha ha

4:10
Wow, what a clue! You'd think that with all the truly great adventure games I grew up playing, I would have been a little better at designing the puzzles for this one.

4:21

The electricity bills are so high because the Lovely Rita has been recharging herself in the maintenance shed. Not that anyone cares, but there it is, as I'm not sure I made this connection clear enough in-game.

4:39
I love it when the back of Larry's head faces the person he's ostensibly talking to. Did I mention how humiliating it is to watch this again?

5:02

The Underwater Macarena: A comedy sketch a friend of mine wrote when we were in high school. Well, he didn't get any further than the title, but I'm sure that would have been the best part anyway.

5:24
Larry's speech pattern: He sure peppers his dialogue with a lot of "Why yes," "How odd," "But of course..." and shit like that. You can build up a certain type of character by having him or her talk this way, but, for me, I'm sure it just happened because I wasn't paying any regard to how any of this would sound in real life, coming out of an actual person. As such, Larry comes across as sort of a blue-blooded English gentleman with a serious concussion.

5:50
"I AM the law.": Oh good, I was hoping that 20-year-old Phil would make a Judge Dredd reference.

6:22

"For some reason the transitions take very long in this game.": I can't explain that. I don't remember them taking particularly long back when the game was new, but computers have come a long way in 10 years, and it's fully possible that the game data isn't being processed the same way that it was back then. It's also possible that because computers were so much slower back then anyway, there was no reason to single out the transition time between screens of Larry Vales: Traffic Division.

6:39
Room 142: Man, I sure am glad that 42 thing gets funnier every time I use it.

6:44

Lust For Vice: I do remember having a lot of fun hiding the titles of the other Larry Vales games in this one. They didn't exist, of course...but it was fun coming up with them. I think that's something else I borrowed from Leisure Suit Larry. Or possibly Space Quest. But I'm sure it's somebody else's joke.

7:21

So Charlie is in the shower. It's a serious problem in this game that you don't even get to see your partner until so much later. It prevents him from becoming much of a character. I honestly don't know why I didn't just have him arrive later in the game, or something...or be off in some inaccessible room. It's pointless to have him scamper into the hotel before you see him, then be out of frame in the shower as you walk around the room...it's like trying to hide Snuffleupagus from the adults in order to maintain the possibility that he might be imaginary. Eventually you realize you don't need to bother with this crap, and I should have realized that much sooner. As it stands, Charlie Striker might as well be Larry's Harvey.

Shake Your Groove Thing: I think this was meant to indicate that Charlie has laughable taste in music. Of course, EVERYONE in this game has the same taste in music, so the joke is kind of...unnecessary.

7:24
The music: Stuck in the Middle With You, by Steelers Wheel. God. Watching this is like one of those dreams you have where you're suddenly naked in the middle of school, and you try to run out of the building before anybody notices. Only instead of a dream, it's hidden-camera security footage that you're watching with your mother.

8:00
"Points! Ka-ching!!": Freddy Pharkas had a voice clip every time you earned a point. Blame that game for this one.

The candy: Why the hell didn't I just draw the candy? I might have had trouble with the object appearing "behind" the bed, rendering it inaccessible. No idea, but it's likely.

The room: This room was meant to serve as a sort of hub-point for Larry's adventure. He'd have to return several times for reasons I was never able to figure out...and so he never needed to return. You just need to visit it once and loot the place, I think. A definite missed opportunity to create a sort of "homey" feeling safe zone.

8:10
The fire evacuation map is 100% accurate.

8:26
The player here seems to have trouble leaving the room. I did, too. I never could figure out why it was so difficult to get Larry out of this room. Something to do with where/how I defined the exit area, I'm sure, but I do remember spending a lot of time trying to clear up the issue, and never succeeding.

8:44
Vomitorium: I don't think it's actually a word; just something I remembered someone saying on Seinfeld.

9:23
A Teddy Bears Picnic reference? Jesus Christ, I sure was casting the net wide, wasn't I?

9:33
1984, by George Orwell. Room 101 is the room O'Brien uses to break and brainwash the protagonist Winston Smith.

 
 
Philip J Reed
27 October 2009 @ 05:14 pm
I found a playthrough of Larry Vales: Traffic Division on youtube.  It was the perfect mixture of flattering/embarrassing.

Anyway, I didn't watch much of it (just enough to mix my emotions), but the person who recorded it added a note at the beginning:

"This game was released in 2000."

Hm. 

Does anybody else think a long-winded, 10th-anniversary writer's commentary is in order?

Because, for some reason, I sure do.
 
 
Philip J Reed
22 October 2009 @ 10:30 pm
At the CD store today I was browsing idly through a discount bin.  The store associate came over and said, "There's good stuff in there.  Like Alice in Chains, and some other oldies."
 
 
Philip J Reed
14 October 2009 @ 08:23 pm


Grab it while you can for whatever price you like.  www.2dboy.com

It's normally between $15 and $20, depending which service you buy through.  I think it's worth full price, but you'd be downright foolish if you pass up the chance to get it for one penny.

GO.  NOW.  IT'S VERY VERY GOOD.

 
 
Philip J Reed
11 October 2009 @ 10:48 pm
Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Birds singin' in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longin' to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

(instrumental break)

Stars shining up above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Birds singin' in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Yes, dream a little dream of me.
 
 
 
Philip J Reed
...here are 15 REM songs I would genuinely cry if I could never hear again.

1) E-Bow the Letter
2) Find the River
3) Fall on Me
4) Sweetness Follows
5) Strange Currencies
6) Belong
7) You Are the Everything
8) I Believe
9) Hairshirt
10) Sad Professor
11) Half a World Away
12) Everybody Hurts
13) Departure
14) Be Mine
15) At My Most Beautiful

In no particular order, except for an unnamed few, which are.
 
 
Philip J Reed
07 October 2009 @ 04:58 pm

Headline on cnn.com this morning: 

SCIENTISTS DISCOVER MASSIVE RING AROUND SATURN

Ya don't say.
 
 
 
 

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